Painful to watch. Painful to listen to. Painful to look at...this film is just plain painful. I can't tell you the number of times I cringed while watching this film...it was embarrassingly simple, embarrassingly stupid.

"Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" was the Summer 2004 vehicle for Lindsay Lohan...this teen star, already making the rounds of the tabloids, lacks what little charm and style and talent she had previously exhibited. Nearly every moment of this film seems forced...Lohan is simply awful here, and you know you have a bad film when Glenne Headly is made to look stilted and insincere.

The film centers around a teenage "drama queen" who relocates from New York City to New Jersey. While I certainly can accept Lohan as a self-centered teen, she comes off painfully so in this film. Headly, as her mother, comes off nearly as self-centered...so, at least we get to see family genetics in force.

In other supporting roles we have Eli Marienthal embarrassing himself...there is a "cute" appearance by Carol Kane...so nice to see her back onscreen, but I sure wish it was in a decent film. She's wasted here.

Perhaps the only thing that salvages the film for me is actress Alison Pill...histrionic, but a joy to watch and cute in an "almost jail bait" sort of way. In other words, she's 18 in real life but completely adorable.

The soundtrack here is painfully perky, and features Lohan...go figure. I would flunk this film, but to be honest it doesn't aim very high...so, I don't have the heart to flunk it. But, in a world of countless teen movies this is one that you can afford to miss.

© Written by Richard Propes
The Independent Critic