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The Independent Critic

STARRING
Carmen Electra, Sean Maguire, Diedrich Bader, Ken Davitian, Kevin Sorbo, Method Man
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY
Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg
MPAA RATING
Rated PG-13
RUNNING TIME
84 Mins.
DISTRIBUTED BY
20th Century Fox

 "Meet the Spartans" Review 
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2007 was an extraordinary year at the movies.

While 2007 sure experienced its share of cinematic duds, I assigned the dread "F" grade to a grand total of three films, the Razzie favorite "Daddy Day Camp," "Aliens vs. Predator- Requiem" and the inexplicably Razzie absent "Delta Farce."

Just as unusual as the near absence of "no star" films was the presence of eight, count em' eight, 4-star films.

Wow. What a year.

Here comes 2008. It's ONLY January 26, 2008 and already I'm awarding the year's second "F" to "Meet the Spartans," an unfathomably bad "300" spoof from the Jason Friedberg/Aaron Seltzer filmmaking team ("Date Movie,""Epic Movie")that tries to turn everything into a spoof but is obviously running out of ideas and creative steam.

What may be even more difficult to imagine is this..."Meet the Spartans" is WORSE than "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," the recent Uwe Boll debacle that is destined for Razzie stardom.

Starring a cast of largely no-name actors, including bad movie icons Carmen Electra and Diedrich Bader, "Meet the Spartans" takes the basic storyline of "300" and throws in a multitude of pop culture references from "American Idol" to Britney Spears to George W. Bush, Paris Hilton, "Deal or No Deal," disco music and, well, isn't that really enough?

In the film, King Leonidas (Sean Maguire, TV's "The Class") faces off with his small army of 13, not 300, soldiers who are buff, tanned and well hung against the massive armies of King Xerxes (Ken Davitian, "Borat") while his wife (Carmen Electra) sits at home attempting to persuade Traitoro (Diedrich Bader) to support her in calling for more soldiers.

Groan.

Do you have any idea how painful it was to even write that last paragraph?

"Meet the Spartans" is basically a pathetic excuse for a bunch of lame gay jokes, antiquated pop culture references, cornball comic set-ups that fall completely flat and what appears to be an ultra-low budget production design that will make you look back upon "Date Movie" and actually smile.

The soldiers skip off to their battle to the tune of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive," while Friedberg/Seltzer stage the battles as everything from "Yo Momma" battles to slo-mo sword fights to, of course, "American Idol" style competitions.

"Meet the Spartans" mercifully ends at about the 65 minute mark...or so it seems. First, we get closing credits followed by a full-on dance version of "I Will Survive" and deleted scenes then, believe it or not, more closing credits followed by, yes, another scene.

This is one occasion, however, when sticking around to the very end does not have its rewards.

Bader and Electra are, as usual, quite horrid. Likewise, the rest of the cast is equally abysmal from Davitian to a host of celebrity impersonating "Mad TV" alums.

Spartans? Meet the Razzies.
 

© Written by Richard Propes
The Independentl Critic

    The Official Rating Guideline
    • A+ to A: 4 Stars                
    • A- to B+: 3.5 Stars            
    • B: 3 Stars                         
    • B- to C+: 2.5 Stars           
    • C: 2 Stars
    • C- to D+: 1.5 Stars
    • D: 1 Star
    • D-: .5 Star
    • F: Zero Stars

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