Briana Evigan, Leah Pipes, Rumer Willis, Carrie Fisher
Josh Stolberg, Pete Goldfinger
Mark Rosman (screenplay, "Seven Sisters")
If the vacuous girls from the "Bratz" movie were to make a horror film, I have a feeling it would look an awful lot like "Sorority Row."
Featuring a quintet of shallow yet sexy college girls so completely materialistic, self-absorbed and devoid of morality that the killer himself becomes the film's hero, "Sorority Row" is nothing more than a glossy, predictable, boob-laden horror flick for the cinematically insane who seem to appreciate such vapid entertainment.
Obviously based upon the 1983 horror flick "The House on Sorority Row" but purporting to be based upon Mark Rosman's screenplay for "Seven Sisters," "Sorority Row" is actually just a rip off of virtually every other horror film ever made with just enough campy fun thrown in to make the film occasionally entertaining from the dark humor alone.
The storyline is simple. When a sorority sister is accidentally killed during a sorority party prank gone awry, the horizontally mobile ladies of Theta Pi decide that covering their tracks is a better plan than jeopardizing their futures and decide to hide their dead sorority sister's body. All goes well until the graduation party, when one-by-one the start getting offed. Fortunately for the T&A crowd, their offing frequently arrives shortly after we've been blessed by their ample endowments.
The girls are created to stand out in ever so basic ways, led by the brain (Rumer Willis), the bitch (Leah Pipes) and the the film's version of the moral one (Briana Evigan). In fact, the film's fairly brief acting highlight comes courtesy of one of Carrie Fisher's trademark cameos, this time as a seriously campy, gun-totin' house mother for the girls.
Camera work is what one would expect from a modestly budgeted horror flick, complete with a slo-mo pillow fight and an abundance of the required T&A close-ups.
Only likely to please the folks from "Mr. Skin," "Sorority Row" is one of the weaker entries in 2009's horror genre, a pretty but vacant flick with no purpose nor power...much like virtually all of its characters except for the film's hero, a killer who at one point explains why it's almost natural selection for these girls to be killed.
It's hard not to agree.
© Written by Richard Propes
The Independent Critic